Fading

On the 16th of November, 2003, we got Tobler, our Golden Lab, as a birthday gift for my dad.

Tobler's favourite plaything in the house was Rusty's tail. Wherever Rusty's tail would go, Tobler would follow. He would be sitting on his chair thinking he's half human and his tail would be dangling as a treat for the newbie. Tobler would be lying on his back paws trying to grab at his tail and give it a bite. What surprised me was that Rusty never tried to bite Tobler’s head off and I wouldn't really blame him if he did.

But from around that time I started feeling that Rusty felt left out and played second fiddle to Tobler. He felt he was no longer the baby of the family.

After that came Tick fever.

Two months of suffering, pain and unintentional neglect. Weekly visits to the doctor for antibiotics, checkups and injections which became more and more frequent until it became a daily routine. By the second week of January, I was able to lift him, which was not meant to happen. Bones could be seen everywhere, hardly any fat on the body. Eyes became dull, started drooling/salivating non-stop. He had to be lifted out till the front gate of the house so he could take a step or two and unburden himself. Slowly, very slowly the days passed and came the 23rd of January. At night, my parents called my brother and me to their room. They had been discussing something...something serious, I could see it. Then my mom said simply, "We have to put him to sleep". We understood what that meant and also felt, deep inside, that it was the right thing to do. But still I argued and said that we should give the operation a chance. I knew how much Rusty was suffering and it was an extremely selfish thing to say...but I didn't want to lose my younger brother. However, I retreated to my room that night and it took me hours to fall asleep. I woke up at 5:30 the next day, Tuesday, 24th of January, 2003. It was a school day. As I walked out of my room, I saw Rusty lying flat on the ground, saliva all over his face and the floor around him. My mom was there next to him. She told me that it had to be done that day and asked if I would like to be there.

What a question…

Would I like to see Rusty, who was the closest thing I had to a younger brother, laid to rest right before my eyes. I thought about it for a minute maybe and decided that I didn’t want to be part of the end of his life.

I kept his head on my lap for about ten minutes and kissed him. Those were the last ten minutes I spent with him. After that I ran out of my house to catch my bus.

It was a lazy day in school. There were only about 20 kids out of the regular 50 in class.

It was the 6^th period, Hindi. My friend, Dhruv, was sitting with me and he noticed how fucked up I looked. I told him why when he asked. I couldn’t take it any longer so I asked permission from the teacher to be excused for ‘loo’ issues. (I don’t know why)

Dhruv came with me and we ran to the phone booth near the canteen. I called my mom and said, “Mamma”. She was crying and the only words that came out through all the crying were “It’s been done”. I hung up.

The walk back to class was a slow one. Dhruv understood.

Standing on the balcony outside my class was the first time I cried infront of a friend, first time ever in school.

My best friend, my younger brother, my dog, my Rusty had died.