6 Of Us + "Them"

My closest friends are those who I met when I was in the second grade in D.P.S.

I had just shifted there from Springdales and was extremely shy when I was asked to introduce myself to a class full of people, especially girls. I was scared of girls...yes.

I used to be extremely shy, hated it when I was made to present myself in any way, or was made to make friends, y'know?

However, I soon settled into the "DPS way" whatever that was and started getting to know more people but still hadn't met one of the '6' (apart from me, myself =/)

2 weeks into my new school was when it all started getting 'good'.

I met a funny looking guy, very short but friendly. His name was Ankit, who is now my best friend.

He told me that I should join morning games for basketball which would help me meet more people and well...play a game I had never played before. So I thought..."Why not?"

Through the years I made many such friends but there were only 5 who I really cared about.

There was Aman - my birthday twin, Dhruv - pseudo fatty who refuses to shave, Sannat - "gavaar thadki", Shunglu - the terrorist who joined school in the 5th... and Ankit.

So it's always been "The 6 of US...and 'them'..."

Whenever we plan something, we're all like "So it's gonna be the six of us and him or him or him..."

Way too many stories attached to these guys.

But for right now, I'd just like to say to the 5 of 'em, "Guys, you're awesome, you've always been there for me and even though you're all fucking retards I wouldn't wanna have it any other way"

PS : Good thing they dont read blogs. =B

I Am The Captain Of My Soul

This poem was referred to in the movie "Invictus" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1057500/

Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela copies the poem on a letter and gives it to Matt Damon acting as the captain of the South African national Rugby team.

He tells Matt Damon that the poem inspired him and was what kept him alive and in good spirit while he was imprisoned. He tells him to use the words as inspiration so that he may lead himself, his team and his country to victory in the World Cup.

Beautiful movie.

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

The Fear You Won't Fall by Joshua Radin

This is an extract from the song which I really felt like putting up on my blog.

Why? cos it's beautiful...also cos I get it...

Can't get my mind off of you
I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than was better than
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could

Stories

The evening of 24th January, 2003, was spent in our living room. My aunt, uncle and cousin had come over. My brother and I standing near the door, the rest were hugging and crying. Stories were exchanged - "Remember the time...", "Oh! How Rusty used to..." and the occasional "The last few days, Rusty..."

I'd never seen my mom that way and it hurt me. All this for Rusty. JUST a dog? I don't think so.

Mom told us that in the afternoon that day that Rusty walked out to the garden by himself and sat on the grass in the sun and just looked up and stayed like that for about 10 minutes, when he had not been able to even walk from one room to another on his own that whole week. Also, that was the first and the only day that he peed like dog, hind limbs in the air. :')

Rusty had become MUCH more that just the family dog not only for my family but also my cousins and with his death, there was a part of us which died with him.

That evening ended with "It'll be okay. He's in a better place". Wish I knew what that place was. I'd like to go there someday...maybe I can see him again.

I miss him.

Fading

On the 16th of November, 2003, we got Tobler, our Golden Lab, as a birthday gift for my dad.

Tobler's favourite plaything in the house was Rusty's tail. Wherever Rusty's tail would go, Tobler would follow. He would be sitting on his chair thinking he's half human and his tail would be dangling as a treat for the newbie. Tobler would be lying on his back paws trying to grab at his tail and give it a bite. What surprised me was that Rusty never tried to bite Tobler’s head off and I wouldn't really blame him if he did.

But from around that time I started feeling that Rusty felt left out and played second fiddle to Tobler. He felt he was no longer the baby of the family.

After that came Tick fever.

Two months of suffering, pain and unintentional neglect. Weekly visits to the doctor for antibiotics, checkups and injections which became more and more frequent until it became a daily routine. By the second week of January, I was able to lift him, which was not meant to happen. Bones could be seen everywhere, hardly any fat on the body. Eyes became dull, started drooling/salivating non-stop. He had to be lifted out till the front gate of the house so he could take a step or two and unburden himself. Slowly, very slowly the days passed and came the 23rd of January. At night, my parents called my brother and me to their room. They had been discussing something...something serious, I could see it. Then my mom said simply, "We have to put him to sleep". We understood what that meant and also felt, deep inside, that it was the right thing to do. But still I argued and said that we should give the operation a chance. I knew how much Rusty was suffering and it was an extremely selfish thing to say...but I didn't want to lose my younger brother. However, I retreated to my room that night and it took me hours to fall asleep. I woke up at 5:30 the next day, Tuesday, 24th of January, 2003. It was a school day. As I walked out of my room, I saw Rusty lying flat on the ground, saliva all over his face and the floor around him. My mom was there next to him. She told me that it had to be done that day and asked if I would like to be there.

What a question…

Would I like to see Rusty, who was the closest thing I had to a younger brother, laid to rest right before my eyes. I thought about it for a minute maybe and decided that I didn’t want to be part of the end of his life.

I kept his head on my lap for about ten minutes and kissed him. Those were the last ten minutes I spent with him. After that I ran out of my house to catch my bus.

It was a lazy day in school. There were only about 20 kids out of the regular 50 in class.

It was the 6^th period, Hindi. My friend, Dhruv, was sitting with me and he noticed how fucked up I looked. I told him why when he asked. I couldn’t take it any longer so I asked permission from the teacher to be excused for ‘loo’ issues. (I don’t know why)

Dhruv came with me and we ran to the phone booth near the canteen. I called my mom and said, “Mamma”. She was crying and the only words that came out through all the crying were “It’s been done”. I hung up.

The walk back to class was a slow one. Dhruv understood.

Standing on the balcony outside my class was the first time I cried infront of a friend, first time ever in school.

My best friend, my younger brother, my dog, my Rusty had died.

My Younger Brother

About 5 years and 11 months ago, was the 24th of January, 2004, the day Rusty died.

I've thought about writing about this for a very long time, 5 years and 11 months to be near exact, but only recently I decided to do so after reading Pranidhi's sister's blog.

In the afternoon of a day in July, 1997, my parents called me and my brother into their room. On entering I saw them sitting on the bed...smiling. Weird. Then they pointed to a small opened cardboard box next to them on the floor. We went over to look and I saw the most confused and black little puppy I had ever laid eyes on. That made me confused and only after about 5 mins did my parents tell us that that black, confused puppy was ours - my younger brother.

That was my first moment with him after which followed 7 and a half wonderful years spent with him, as I practically grew up with him. Occasionally taking him out for a walk, forcing food down his throat (wasn't much of an eater) , hiding the Cosco ball behind plants and pretending to have lost it which would then take him only 2-3 mins to hunt and find...so many memories attached to that black confused puppy who was not so confused and had developed a brownish color later on.

There was this one incident when there was my parents party at my house. My uncle kept his beer glass on the floor and carried on his conversation about godknowswhat. Rusty casually walked up to his glass, took a few licks and walked away and was found an hour later fast asleep in his basket. That night he had the longest and probably the most peaceful sleep of his life.

There was this other time when his trainer tried to get him mated in the nearby park. After the third attempt he said to my mum, "Mujhe lagta hai ki Rusty ko ladke pasand hai". Ahh...my poor gay dog.

One thing about him - He peed like a bitch.